Stoned
by District4-divergent-nephilim
Summary: When Cas gets sick for the first time since coming to live in the bunker, Dean and Cas have to take care of him. Unfortunately, sick Cas reminds Dean of a memory he doesn't want to think about.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.**

* * *

I return from the store with tissues and cough medicine for Cas, going straight to his room to give them to him.

Poor guy. He's been a human for less than a month and he's already caught the flu.

I walk in to Sam giving Cas another painkiller, since Cas's head has been hurting for the past three days.

"Dean, you're so shiny all of a sudden," Cas says, giggling.

I stare at him. "Dude, you sound completely stoned. Are you high from the medicine?"

"As of this week?" Cas sniffles and nods. "Generally, yeah."

"_Are you stoned?" I asked._

_The former angel laughed. "Generally, yeah."_

The bag in my hand goes crashing to the floor. "Don't say that, Cas," I say roughly. "Please."

"Dean, what the hell?" Sam says, bending over to pick it up.

"Do not give him any more painkillers, Sammy," I say hurriedly.

"Why not?" Cas asks.

"Sam, do _not _give him anymore painkillers!" I repeat, more forcefully.

"Dean, my head hurts without them," Cas complains as he blinks at me, pulling the blanket up around his face.

"Don't give me those puppy eyes," I growl, glaring at Cas. "Sam, don't give them to him!"

"Is this about-" Sam inhales sharply. "Croatoan, right?"

I nod, trying to calm my breathing. "Yeah. Croatoan."

Cas tilts his head. "What's Croatoan?"

"Nothing," Sam and I say in unison.

"Oh." Cas looks disappointed, and I feel a little bad.

"Hey, I'm sorry for snapping, man," I say, grimacing. "I know you don't feel well. But please, don't take any more of those things. They can take away the pain for a little while, but eventually they just add to it."

He looks even more confused than before, but he nods. "Okay, Dean. I promise I won't."

I sigh. "Thank you."

* * *

It's two in the morning and I've been asleep for three hours when I'm suddenly woken up.

"Dean," a voice whispers.

"You need something, Cas?" I ask, my voice slurred from sleep.

"I couldn't sleep," he says quietly.

"That's normal," I say, stuffing my face back into the pillow. "With the flu, I mean."

"I was just curious about what Croatoan is, and I kept thinking about it," he replies, sitting down on the other side of the bed. "It kept me up."

_He's so close,_ I think. _I could just reach out and pull him closer, like I've been wanting to._

But I know he wouldn't return the feelings, so I don't. I just keep my face in the pillow and say, "Look, man… if you really want, I'll tell you about it in the morning, but I really gotta get some sleep. It's been a rough week."

"Okay, then." He pulls up the blankets and starts to climb under the covers.

"Whoa, Cas!" I exclaim, sitting up quickly. "What are you doing?"

"Laying down," he says, slipping under the covers. "You said to let you sleep."

"So, what?" I ask, trying not to sound too nervous. "You're just gonna wait in here? Cas, your room is, like, two doors down."

"Dean, it's so far," he whines. "I just wanna lay here."

"Fine, I say, stuffing my face back into your pillow before he can see me blush. "Just stay on your side of the bed."

"Thank you, Dean."

* * *

When I wake up, Cas is still on his side of the bed, but I'm definitely not.

He's on his back, his eyes still closed. And I'm almost on top of him. Almost, as in my legs are tangled up in his and my right shoulder is on top of the middle of his chest, my arm stretched across him.

I scramble away from him as fast I can, which wakes him up. "Dean?" he asks tiredly, sniffing. His hair is sticking up all over the place, and I fight down the urge to reach out and run my fingers through it.

"Cas," I say with a gulp. "Um, I… you wanted… I…"

"Dean," he says, scrunching up his nose and eyes, which makes him look really cute. "Shhh, don't talk. My head hurts. I just want to sleep a little longer."

"Okay, I'll-" I'm cut off by him reaching out an arm and pulling me back towards him.

"Cas!" I say, my voice muffled by the blanket.

"This is okay, right?" he asks, looking at me intently.

I try to force myself to say that no, it's not, but he continues to look at me with those deep blue puppy eyes, and I just don't have the heart to tell him no. "Yeah, sure," I say softly. "This is okay."

* * *

Two hours later, when Cas wakes up for the second time, he turn right over on to his side and wakes me up, too. "I want to know about Croatoan now," he says innocently, blinking his eyes at me.

So I tell him everything. I tell him about Chuck, and Sam, and Lucifer. But I take the most time telling him about Cas.

"So I was… I wasn't an angel anymore?" he whispers. "Even back then, that was my future?"

"Yeah, Cas," I say, smiling sadly. He sighs. "I'm sorry, man."

"And what happened?" he asks. "At the end, I mean."

"I watched Sam- sorry, Lucifer- kill the future me. And then Zachariah brought me back to 2008."

"What happened to me?"

I hesitate, my shoulders tensing, before I say, "I don't know, Cas."

He studies my face before frowning. "You're not telling my something," he observes, his voice still a little nasally from being stuffed up.

"It wasn't real," I blurt out before I can stop myself. "At least, I knew it was a dream. I was back in the garden, and the me from 2014 was already on the ground, dead."

"Tell me more," he says.

"Then I saw Lucifer about to kill the 2008 me, and Zachariah didn't show up this time, and then I saw… I saw you come into the garden, looking for me." He inhales sharply. "And Lucifer noticed you, and he, uh… well, he teased the hell out of you, man."

"What did he says?" Cas asks, the curiosity evident in his voice.

"He, uh, pressed you up against the brick wall and made you watch the me from 2008 get tortured. He mocked you the entire time, too. He jeered at you about how you couldn't protect your charge because you weren't an angel anymore."

Cas grimaces. "That seems to be a common theme among angels. I mean, getting to me through you and Sam. Mostly through you, though."

"Probably because we share a 'profound bond,'" I remind him. "I mean, you pulled me out of hell."

He nods. "Do you still have that handprint on your arm?"

I lift up my sleeve. "Yep," I say, giving him a smile as I turn my shoulder to show him the burning handprint that was seared into my upper arm almost six years ago.

He reaches his hand out hesitantly and splays his fingers over the print until the match it perfectly. "I did this when I was an angel," he whispers, his breath warm on my face. "Back when I was useful."

"Cas, you're still useful," I say indignantly.

"Am I, Dean?" he asks, meeting my gaze with his. "Really? I can't do anything. I can't heal, I can't teleport, I can't hunt. I can't even stay healthy, for Dad's sake." He sighs. "I'm practically worthless."

"No, Cas, you're not worthless."

"How? What deeds do I perform that make me worthy to still be alive?"

"I…" I can think of quite a few, but I can't exactly put those into words. "I…"

"See, Dean?" His lip starts to tremble. "Even Crowley is more useful than me. You can't think of anything that makes me worthy for being here."

I feel a twinge of anger, and then suddenly I'm leaning forward and pressing my lips to his. He makes a noise of surprise, but it quickly fades away.

And it feels so good. All those feelings I've had, all the sexual tension, all the staring… it all just fades away in a single soft, tender kiss. It's not rough or alcohol-influenced, like most of the kisses I give are, and that makes it even better, to know that I'm doing this sober, in the right way.

I pull away after about fifteen seconds, and Cas's eyes flutter open. "What was that?" he asks, a smile on both his lips and in his eyes.

"Proof that you're not worthless," I say matter-of-factly. "I'm only here doing this right now because you've saved my ass over and over again."

"But, Dean-" he starts to argue, but I cut across him.

"You're worth it, Cas. Believe me. You're worth much more than Crowley. You're worth keeping around here. You're worth dreaming about. You're worth taking care of. This isn't just a debt we're repaying by letting you live in the bunker with us. This is your home, too. Because you're not just an ally to us anymore. You're our family."

"But-"

"Shut it, Cas," I say. "Or I might have to kiss you until you believe it."

He grins. "I hope you don't have anything to do this morning, then. Because it's going to take a lot to convince me that I'm needed."

I grin back. "Challenge accepted."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please review; constructive criticism is always welcomed!**


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